[This rant is designed to guide my clients in getting the right paperwork generated for service by diplomatic channels. If I’ve sent you a link to this, that means you have to press the issue with your clerk of court– not because I want to create more work for the court staff, but the opposite.

Another statement we hear regularly from colleagues who very legitimately seek to save costs– and others who just want to shortcut the process in a super-cheap, super-quick way without worrying about proper procedure:

We’re going to serve alternatively instead of using the Hague.

Impossible to let that one go by without some discussion. Why? Because

The Dutch– an exceedingly practical and direct people– have a saying: Goedkoop is Duurkoop. Cheap is expensive. We of the anglophone persuasion have a variation on that theme: you get what you pay for.

But the Dutch version captures reality far more forcefully. Cheap is expensive is an apt way of articulating the constant

Just getting the address right is only half the battle, y’all.

A huge hat tip to my friend and fellow law blogger, Ted Folkman, for his Case of the Day post last week about Peanuts Worldwide v. The Partnerships and Unincorporated Associations Identified on Schedule A (N.D. Ill. 1:23-cv-02965).* He very deftly connected the dots

At least once or twice a month, when I deliver the bad news that service on an offshore defendant will cost several thousand dollars and take several months– if not a couple of years— a prospective client will decide that the better way to go is to seek an order for alternative service, usually